i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
