watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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