I wish my penis had an off switch
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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