How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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