Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
