I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He better not be in your backpack
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
