My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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