So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
