I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize