If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
