once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
