i was born a porn star she said
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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