I'm really into asian looking animals
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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