Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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