I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
