He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
