your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
