im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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