Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
