worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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