Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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