Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
