HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
