Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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