I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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