She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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