Where did you get a picture of my penis
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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