I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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