In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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