i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
