naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
