You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
