i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
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I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
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I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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