im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
