Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
