were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
