yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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