I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
