i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
love makes seman taste better
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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