i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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