Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
