just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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