i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
