And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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