you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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