you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
