Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i used baking grease as lip gloss
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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