you're like a bully in the Christmas story
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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