K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
