i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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