Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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