Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
