Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so let's talk penis.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
