Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
