i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize