I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
