all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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