I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
