i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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