i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
