ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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