just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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