Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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