very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
