we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
