He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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