Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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