Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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