We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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