I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
