you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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