I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
