i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
