His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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