Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
