i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize