You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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