the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I could have mohawked her pubes.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
